Hep and cool advice for the Uth !

In the same manner that people like Arindham Chaudhari share their "mantras" to success, today i ll share with this blog the basic principles which i have held very close to my heart as i wade through the shit that life throws at me !!

Do unto others as you would have others do unto them 
This is basically the definition of the typical herd mentality. If a bunch of your dumb friends are treating something in a particular manner, do the same. Dont think, dont ask questions and for heavens sake, dont contradict. You ll be dropped from the "group" like Shinney Ahuja from the household workers convention.

Never reveal what you really feel
This is just to avoid people from "opening up" to me ! I dont want to know what you think. I have enough shit of my own. Dont dump yours on me. Plus, what you may really feel or think might be really lame. Why risk embarassing yourself in front of the only handful of people who are dumb enough to tolerate you. Just not worth the risk i say, specially when some of you are really really hard to bear !

Drink, smoke, do drugs !
Go on, destroy your life. How do i care. If you are dumb enough to put that shit in your body in the first place, the world is better off without people like you. Do all of these, do them all at once, do them in large doses ! the quicker you get out of here, the better.

Always try to be "different" from the crowd.
This ones a bit tricky. Many "life coaches" will have you believe that different is better, different will succeed. Bollywood is rife with directors whose story is a bit "haTke" from the run of the mill stuff. Wonder how the same kind of crap lands up in the final print. Maybe its the editors, maybe they are the ones sabotaging these gifted filmmakers. Anyways, the point is, be different, be unique. Specially when the rest of the crowd is more intelligent and way more gifted than you are. Be dumb, be stupid. Atleast you will be able to catch the eye. A losers sad lifestory always has buyers, and a few sellers too (if ya know wat i mean !).

Dont work hard
Working hard is for workers. People with no talent. Remember, you are special. You were born with only half a brain ! Dont worry, that is still a talent. When you have sucked out all the goodies that you could "parasite" off your parents, move on to a dumb job in some dumb company. No other company is going to hire you anyways. Tell people that this has been your life long dream. Even if the money is not that good, you dont mind because the satisfaction is immense.

Dont be nice.
Throw those manners, if you have any in the first place, in the nearest dust bin you have around. Even if there isnt one, just throw it anywhere you please. Remember, you dont have manners, so no need to worry. Manners make you look ol fashioned. They dont "go well" with your recently acquired hep and dont-give-a-damn attitude. Even if other people find you rude, not to worry. Its better to let people think you are rude rather than to let them realise you are a dumbass fool; really. Ask Raghu the eternal Roadie. "He has what it takes !"


There are a lot more to come. I aint done y'all . Dont worry !




Mavdiary by Rhishikesh Joshi is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.